If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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