hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
