We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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