I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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