Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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