Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
