He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize