super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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