do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
