he wants to bone in the snuggie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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