I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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