He uses pillows to masturbate.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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