Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
