All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
