i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize