I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize