Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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