I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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