you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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