that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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