the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
