I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
