Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
