Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
