Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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