Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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