He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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