I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
