So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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