he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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