GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize