So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
