yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
