So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
