at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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