she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
