do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize