i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
