my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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