Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't think brook has ever known best
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
