On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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