I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This house was built for laser tag.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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