She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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