The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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