he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
