Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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