I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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