I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
