I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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