yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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