Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
