I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize