I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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