She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
