Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the raccoons are back...
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