Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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