He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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