I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Still dying that you shit outside
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
