Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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